The Accidental Pharisee

Monday, May 12, 2008

This I Know

"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases ... "
~Lamentations 3:22

I spent yesterday afternoon with the kiddos and Rob's mom. It being Mother's Day, Rob's mom and I were instructed to relax. It was odd--in a very nice way--to do just that. My daughters and daughter-in-love and my son prepared a wonderful lunch. Rob grilled steaks and chicken. Josh made his specialty: angel food cake from scratch. Afterwards, I received some wonderful gifts. My children certainly know what their mom likes.

But I gotta' tell you, the cards they gave me--and the words they wrote inside those cards--mean more to me than their oh-so-wonderful gifts.

Later that evening, Rob and I went for a walk. It was so, so nice to look back on the day. You know what I realized? I know that my four children love me. I mean, deep down in my heart, I know that I know that I am loved by them.

Sure, we've had our ups and downs and times when they didn't like me and I didn't like them ... that's just real life. Although, looking back, it wasn't them I didn't like. It was usually something they'd done or not done. (You'll have to check with them about whether they really didn't like me or not.)

And right on the heels of that wonderful realization--that I know my kiddos love me--I thought: Why is it that I struggle with knowing God loves me?

God and I've talked a lot about that in the past couple of years. I've asked him to let me know he loves me. Not head knowledge--heart knowledge. I want to feel like God loves me. I don't want to say it just because it's true. (I mean, I do know the right answer!)

And he's answered that prayer. I have felt deep down in my heart God's love for me.
And then I lose that feeling.

Why?

Because I think God's love is conditional.

He loves me.
He loves me not.
He loves me.
He loves me not.

God would change that refrain:

He loves me.
He loves me.
He loves me.

He loves me.

Thinking Out Loud: We Accidental Pharisees would do well to meditate on Lamentations 3:22 and remember that God's love is steadfast. Firmly fixed in place. Not subject to change.
Sure, he may not like something I do. But he loves me, he loves me, he loves me, he loves me.

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