The Sound of Silence

"For in him we live and move and have our being." Acts 17:28

It's been quiet on this blog as of late.
That's because things have been quiet between me and God. Not non-existent. Just quiet. Nothing profound being said or heard.
Is a relationship with God all about things being profound?
I don't think so.
And yet, sometimes I act that way.
God and I have had some moments of intense closeness as I've leaned on him these past weeks. I had a speaking engagement looming and I oh-so-needed him to be sufficient for me. Yes, I wanted to do well--but more than anything, I wanted to feel him working in me and through me and in spite of me.
And as I rushed around, doing all I needed to do to get ready, I kept thinking: This will utterly fail if it is all about what I've done--and not about what God is doing through me.
My quiet times were highly irregular.
My time in the Word was haphazard at best.
And yet, I found myself leaning, leaning, leaning into God, knowing I needed him to be all he is. I struggled because it didn't feel like picture-perfect Christianity. And this blog lay dormant because I had nothing profound to share.
But I was doing life with God.
And that's real.

Just a Thought: Is it all about the profound for Accidental Pharisees? Is the every day life of a believer too normal for us? There's a lie there that needs to be dispelled: An authentic life of a believer isn't all profound, Kodak-moments with God. Some of it is normal, normal, normal. Resting in the every day life of following God. Not always looking for a burning bush or a Jericho wall that needs to be demolished ... but rather enjoying intimacy with God in all moments of my life.

Derailed

The Lord says: "These people come near to me with their mouth and honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. Their worship of me is made up only of rules taught by men.

Isaiah 29:13

Good intentions and all that--derailed by the flu making repeated rounds the family.

I'm struggling to rediscover normal, whatever that is.

And in the midst of re-establishing normal, I want to re-establish intimacy with God. No, I'm not worried that He's mad at me or anything. I'm not caught up in the lies of a "Do-this-Don't-do-that" relationship with God. I understand there is an ebb and flow in my relationship with God.

It's just that I miss the intimacy.

And ... okay, I admit it. I still compare myself with others who seem to maintain some kind of mystical, continual connection to God.

How do they do that?

What keeps them close to God--no matter what?

Yesterday, I sat myself down in front of my computer. Not to work, but to listen to my playlist of worship songs I've collected.

Ah, instant communion. I sang, despite my congested head and scratchy throat. And it felt good. Not perfect. But good.

And I heard God speak some truth to me. And I went away encouraged.

Thinking Out Loud: We Accidental Pharisees get tripped up by wanting things to be just so before we approach God. Perfect. We want to have crossed our t's and dotted our i's--and made it all look good so God is pleased with our effort. And that keeps us from coming to God sooner. We deprive ourselves of a more constant communion because we want it to be perfect--or we don't want it at all.